It’s never been easy to be black in this country, but I never had to “come out” black. I never had to sit down with my family and tell them. My race has never conflicted with my religious beliefs. I never had the option to hide it.
I am a lesbian. When I told my mother, she said, “Don’t tell the rest of the family. It’ll kill your grandparents. They’ll disown you.” She told me she didn’t want me to have to go through that. I obeyed her wishes.
I went through a time when I questioned how God saw me. Did he see me as a sinner? Was I an abomination? When I came to realize that my God loved me just the way I am, I was able to fling the closet door open.
I’m out of the closet, but I don’t force my sexuality on anyone. I have family who will happily listen to me discuss my relationships, meet girlfriends, and let us stay at their home as a couple. I can share all aspects of my life with them. As a result, they know me better than the family who gets the censored version of me.
I have ministers in my family. I have had to sit and listen to them utter homophobic words. I have had to sit while those surrounding me clapped their approval. I had to sit. It felt like overhearing a group of white people using racial slurs when they didn’t know you were around.
It is common knowledge for those within the black community, that black people are extremely homophobic. Black people see homosexuality as something white people do, often turning a blind eye to reality.
Homosexuality is seen as a threat to the black community. Homosexuality is what’s infecting the black community with HIV/AIDs? Homosexuality is destroying the black family?
The black community needs to wake up. They are leaning on closet doors by keeping us in constant fear of being disowned and ridiculed. When it becomes ok for us to stop leading dual lives, the condition of our community will improve.
I felt motivated to write something with everything that is happening with Proposition 8. It has been said that the increase of black voters helped Proposition 8 pass.
I’m not shocked, but I am ashamed and disappointed. The same people that are associating this election with everything MLK stood for, are the same people that are denying me the right to marry. Why can’t they see that is totally against MLK’s beliefs?
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Well received. It’s like I was telling my friend yesterday, every year the KKK have the right to rally. A group that has murdered for decades and hung innocent blacks from trees. A group that murdered whites who tried to help us in a time when we were seen as sub-humans. But because you love from the heart a person of the same sex, you do not have the right o marry. It’s like telling us that we can have our gay pride parade, but the same sex marriage is a no-go because it isn’t right. If that is the case, let the KKKs have their rally too, but take away their rights to marry as well, because they march for hate, not love.
What’s up with you and the KKK lately?
kkk = a hate crime in itself.
btw abg, check ur mail – and check the spam too in case my mail landed up there, it sometimes seems to with gmail
It turns out the black people are just like all the other humans on this planet. If the injustice does not affect them directly, they don’t think about it. As long as black ministers continue teaching that being gay is against God, we will get the same results. We have to find a way to change the masses who get their information from the church. I wish we could sue the ministers for discrimination every time they uttered anti-gay phrases. I bet that would start changing the way things are.
ABG..This is one of your best posts. I’ve been thinking about the Proposition 8 and wondering whether or not I should post…this one captured it so eloquently…without hate..but with real everyday emotion.
@ BG…what’s up with me and them? Come on now, you know.
@China- Let’s just keep the KKK away from our president!
@Tamara- Thank you. It wasn’t easy to write.
@Steadycat- You’re so right. I wish we could sue. All I can think to do is make sure people have a face to associate with their hatred. Maybe if we could make it more personal, it would be harder for them to discriminate? Face it, there are a lot of us that are still closeted.
@Ulla- are there groups like the KKK in SA? Hate groups, I mean
Thank you for this. Homophobia in the black community is part of the story, true. Larger still, I think is the religious zealotry (by many factions of the community) tied to the word “marriage” and the inability to separate the legal contractual union of two people from the religious ceremony coveted by many.
Hopefully, this kind of discussion will help those of us who are still closeted ease open that door.
Hi Deborah!
It kinda goes hand in hand. Church is where most black people look for their main source of information and approval. If we can cure the black church of homophobia, everyone else will be easy…
Wow, it’s no surprise about Black homophobia, but that’s horrific irony, if Prop 8 got in because of all the added Black voters this election! Wow.
Don’t mean to be answering for another, but hell yeah, there are hate groups in SA! Apartheid, anyone?
It’s sad, ABG. I’ve had a few co-workers (who don’t know I’m gay) say that they don’t believe in it because it goes against the Bible. That’s it’s an abomination. So are a lot of other things I know they do. As I told them, how does a loving gay couple’s right to get married affect your rights or your marriage?
We just need to realize that our homophobia is the reason why the dl began and some blacks are killing themselves all to avoid facing their families as gay. This needs to stop. I don’t know how because it’s going to take years of religious undoing.
@Mermaid- It’s not an IF, 70% of black voters said yes to Prop 8
@Diva- I wish people would stop picking and choosing which parts of the bible they want to follow…And that whole DL crap, that’s my entire point. That wouldn’t exist without our own homophobia. They are feeding it and making it stronger…
@ abg…EXCELLENT post and Amen!
@ steadycat…you are so right!
I am black, a woman, a christian and a lesbian! I remember watching a Noah’s Arc episode where one of the characters wanted to marry his partner in the church he has a been a member of for a quite sometime. The “issue” went before the church board. One of the board members said that the Bible says ” “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” And one of the gay men responded “the Bible also says you shouldn’t eat shellfish, but that doesn’t stop you from stuffing your face with shrimp at the church fish fry”. It was funny the way he said it, but so so very true!
The problem with christianity and homosexuality really is this…it is much easier to accept something as true (especially when it doesn’t affect you) than to face the inconsistencies and actuall study the bible in its historical context. It’s true ignorance is bliss!
You know, there are some people who think that if you allow gay marriage there will be less eligible black men to marry. As crazy as that sounds, some people believe it. Which says that they would rather have someone forced to live a lie, than be happy being who they are.
We have a big problem in the black community, in regards to homosexuality. Much of it stems from Biblical views of homosexuality being a sin. But even if you follow that logic, it will contradict the stance that christians have on other things. For example, if homosexuality is a sin and divorce(and remarriage is a sin) and no sin is greater than any othe sin…then why are pastors performing 2nd, 3rd and even 4th marriages? Why are they getting divorced and remarried themselves? After all, sin is sin, right. But no one wants to talk about that. And when you bring this up, they don’t address it…they revert back to well, it’s a sin or God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve and so on…
So this is no doubt a difficult issue that we must face in order to move forward.
I love that everyone here feels so passionate about this. I’d love to have someone from Cali give their viewpoint…I know I have some lurkers…Cali, you out there?
I am really feeling this post. Not all but, the majority of Black folk are so closed minded. It’s truly sad. I just talking with a blog buddy about this. She was saying that now everybody is trying to blame the pass of prop 8 on the black community. Even though I don’t think it’s an issue of playing the blame game it is very true that the majority of the black community are extremely homophobic
Hey Glennis!
I believe prop 8 wouldn’t have passed without the black vote, while you’re right that it doesn’t do any good to play the blame game, it does highlight a huge issue in our community. It’s as if it aired our dirty little secret to the world.
I’m an American living in Canada.
I’m not sure about in the States…but as soon as Obama won, the news stations here had video collages and a brief history of “civil rights” featuring MLK, Rosa Parks, and then led that into Obama.
Of course, a black president is awesome — and shows major progress in civil rights. Too bad about Prop 8 — it shows there is still a lot of mis-guided hate and Obama is not the happy conclusion of the civil rights movement. There should be more public outrage about Prop 8 — it’s a constitutional amendment that takes away rights rather than protects them.
Also… Obama is quoted as saying that he doesn’t believe in same-sex marriage, and that marriage is between a man and a women.
Sigh.
Hey Toni! Yes, Obama is against same sex marriage, but he did oppose prop 8. He is for civil unions and believes same sex couples should receive the same legal benefits as a married couple…I suppose it depends on what we seek from a marriage…
Thanks for your comment to my post Straights Only. I feel your post as well. Glad to feel some solidarity out here.
I worked with an absolute sweetheart of a man (who happened to be black) and a nicer person you’d be hard pushed to find. He and I spent a hot Summer in each other’s pockets. He was incredibly knowledgeable about a whole range of topics, he told me the true story of the Black people, gave me books by J.A. Rogers, told me about Medgar Evers, we laughed, we sat, we drank tea. he opened my eyes to so much. He was liberated about everything you could imagine, so accepting except where gay people were concerned. He surprised me because he had a vitriolic hatred towards us queers. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now. His soft open face became hard and unkind when it came to talking about gays.
I in know way believe these people are bad people, I just think that they are close minded and ignorant. Sounds harsh, but I find it hard to believe that if they educated themselves that they would feel the same way they do now…