Comments on: Femme? Or just feminine?

By: Alix

Alix — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 22:36:13 +0000

I agree with you. It’s all surface. Most people see themselves differently than others because they do know themselves better than the outside world. It would be a tragic mistake to judge someone’s actions based on what you’d expect them to do based on their appearance….

By: ladybrettashley

ladybrettashley — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:05:19 +0000

my personal definition of femme is much looser. femme, to me, is a celebration of femininity. you can be feminine and not think about it, or not care about it, or dislike it. but i call myself femme because i love my femininity. my femininity happens to be very submissive and a little tomboyish (so others don’t always think of me as femme), but it could just as well be strong, or dominant, or the sort that “screams girly when you look at her.” to me, all of those things can be femme (or, of course, not).

also, though, i like labels. i don’t think it is shallow to judge people on their appearance, as most people put a lot of effort into creating an appearance that will give clues about who they are in a deeper way. the part that *is* shallow is clinging to those initial judgments – *of course* they could be untrue, just like someone might think of a label differently than you. as long as you are flexible about it, they can both be handy tools in interacting with people.

By: Alix

Alix — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 01:36:06 +0000

Yeah, I didn’t want Kay coming after me.

By: Alix

Alix — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 01:35:37 +0000

It’s very shallow to judge people on their appearance, however that’s reality. I think it’s great that you can be you no matter what you wear. That’s exactly the way people are supposed to be and to have found someone that understands that it’s not about your outside appearance is wonderful. There are a lot of lesbians that don’t understand that. I do believe that in relationships there is always a person that is more dominant than the other. It may not be the same person in every situation, but some one has to take the lead and someone has to follow.

A bent wrist and sashay isn’t a stereotype, associating it with a man and calling him gay would be they stereotype. Those two traits alone will always be associated with women which makes them feminine traits.

By: Alix

Alix — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 01:29:11 +0000

It’s not just lesbians, I think everyone does it. I think it’s just more evident in our community though

By: Lex

Lex — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 10:08:55 +0000

Why do lesbians always have to label themselves all the time?

By: natbf

natbf — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 10:00:56 +0000

Hi Alix
I don’t get the need for labels although I understand that most people seem to require one. Identity is flexible and it’s shallow to judge people solely on appearance. Most of the time I wear my hair out in an afro, I use eyeliner and lipgloss and have fun dressing up. But I can also rock men’s jeans, a vest, sneakers and cornrows when I feel like it – a little tomboy edge. Regarless of whether I’m looking ‘femme’ or ‘tomboyish’ I’m still me – opinionated, feminine, funky. I disagree – femininity isn’t a bent wrist or a sashay or acrylic nails- those are outdated stereotypes. I’m so happy that I have a (feminine) girlfriend that isn’t rigid in her expectations of who I am depending on how I’m dressed. People are usually disbelieving that we’re a couple because of our feminine appearnaces. There’s no ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ in our dynamic. Everything just flows naturally and organically. No labels, no expectations.

By: sipoftea

sipoftea — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 05:04:34 +0000

I think that often too Alix, and I agree that I probably am a little more dominant, but Kay is certainly not complaining.

I laughed so much upon seeing your correction of birthday licks! Yum! I’ll have to remember that one, lol.

By: LL AJ

LL AJ — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 01:50:46 +0000

When she tells me to f**ck her hard and grabs my hair

By: Alix

Alix — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 20:34:34 +0000

When is it not sexy?